theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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