I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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