You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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