i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
