My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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