Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
