Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
