Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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