help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's blow job season.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
