turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
