Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize