I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
