the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
