I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize