i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
