What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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