come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
