It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
