Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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