I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Come see our sink grown plant.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
