like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
