when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
