OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
