I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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