we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
