Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
