She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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