Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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