U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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