I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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