Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
