she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
