When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
