I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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