Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
