friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
