grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
