No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
