the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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