So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
