Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
True strength comes from lack of pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
