And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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