thus making me awesome and them whores
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
