So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
