I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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