420 ftw
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
