"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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