the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
