Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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