That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need moral support for this bender
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
