i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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