A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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