bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
