I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
