it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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