eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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