You smell like a Billy Joel song
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
