so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
