I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
