hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
