I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
how drunk are you?
Several
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize