we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
