and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
