Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize