How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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