no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
